The Taranaki Taverners are again flying under a flag of convenience in 2010, although we have actually managed to grab hold of a token Kiwi this year - and if we hang on tightly he may even play. But for the rest, we have trawled the depths of cricket’s detritus, & have managed a compile a bunch of Misfits with limited cricketing ability & no moral compass. In effect, a pretty typical team originating from Singapore.

Shane “the vet” Ryan

Once more unto the breach. Shane is basically bloody stubborn. Despite irrefutable proof, he refuses to believe he’s too old & not good enough to play (up or cricket). Tour 10 or 11 to Chiangmai – just hoping various bits don’t fall off before he gets home. Declined the position of personal acupuncturist to Sa Pa CC this year. But more than happy to stick needles into Morto.

Damian “the gigolo” Ryan

Fourth consecutive visit for Damo. A hybrid between Peter Pan & Tiger Woods, Damian is attempting to prove that prescription pharmaceuticals, especially in repeated high doses are the gateway to fountain of youth.. Keen golfer, cricketer, raconteur & male-for-sale, Damian brings enthusiasm & a great smile to the team. Will be targeted by Sa Pa after hitting the winning runs in last year’s highlight match - the TTSAPACC Ashes..

Nishan “Nish” Weerasinghe

This Anglo-Singhalese Singaporean has kookaburras for, well, balls. All feathery like. Lives, breathes & exists for cricket. And alcohol, kinky sex and ladies’ lingerie (for personal use naturally). Second visit to Chiangmai, coped extremely well physically in 2009 & so has been promoted to senior health advisor to the team. Unlike Damo, Nish believes the road to immortality is paved with flaming Sambuccas, although this psychological idiosyncrasy pre-dates last year’s event..

Peter “Saltie” Salt

John Cleese meets Mr. Rude. Can’t bat, can’t bowl, can drink. A dab hand at golf, a world-renown expert in sarcasm & tall enough to see over the crowd in bars. Maybe permitted to stay the distance – but it will cost. TV 1.

Ian Dacre

Ian apparently is quite normal – considering he’s a vet. A long term Thai resident fallen in with a bad crowd, hence his 6s appearance. While his New Zealander-ness meshes nicely with the side’s purported origins, Ian may be as yet inadequately debauched to be a functional member. No doubt his fellow travellers will do all that’s required - and more - to rectify this sad situation. TV 2.

Andrew “The Animal” Skinner

Really, truly can’t bat, bowl, throw or put pads on without assistance, but a mean hand at nailing metal onto horses. Fourth health official in the touring party, Andrew is the official podiatrist, translator & mango supplier. TV 3.