2009 Team Photo

2009 saw a return to form for the Stuffed Beavers, boasting a record of played five, lost seven. More of the same is expected in 2010 with the reward for such abject failure being wholesale re-selection.

Nige “Gurners” Gurney

Tour # 4. The SBCC’s very own answer to Gordon Brown – nobody elected him and there are widespread reservations about his abilities and yet he remains in the hot seat as team skipper. His motivational speeches are legendary – think Lord Percy from Blackadder. After 20 years at the helm it is surely only a matter of time before the inevitable happens and he is put out to pasture in a bloodless coup. Proud owner of a new bat and a new bass guitar and there is much concern amongst the team as to which is the scarier prospect.

Chas “Beggers” Begley

Tour #4. The Tuskerteer. Against all odds his liver has made it through another year and delivered him safe and unwell to another Sixes. Will be beering, bowling, batting and barbecuing relentlessly during the week and hosting the mother of all parties at Beaver Friday. To the surprise of everyone including himself, he remains the strike bowler of the pack, and can be relied upon to go on strike at a moment’s notice. Bowled a legendary straight delivery in 2007.

Dicky “Lumpy” Ford

Tour #4. Can this man not recognise a lost cause when he sees one? Turns up year after year, full of confidence and vodka, seemingly inured to the incompetencies of the team around him. One of three first-choice keepers in the squad, it will be even more crowded than usual behind the stumps. A different matter behind the drums where he reigns supreme (although he is still smarting from his unsuccessful audition for the Supremes).

Adam “Jose” Barnett

Tour # 3. Current holder of the prestigious Beaver of the Year award which has led to him receiving some interesting and unexpected approaches from a fascinated global audience. Kicks off his honeymoon at Beaver Friday but doesn’t want to make a big deal of it so do please come and join him for a drink or several at Tuskers to prepare for finals day. Captain Caveman with the bat; Captain Mainwaring with the ball; Captain Sensible at the bar (not….)

Bart “Hose B” Simpson

Tour # 3. Do NOT eat this man’s shorts, however much he implores you to. The Bartmeister returns to universal acclaim. Another contender for first-choice keeper, however the ultimate cricketing chameleon blends effortlessly into whatever role is required at the time. Which usually involves a trip to the bar. Induces vicious movement off a short run – an alarming prospect at the best of times….

Ian “Closey” Brookes

Tour # 3. The Pooh-Dog. Unarguably the most dangerous man on the team, and the SBCC’s answer to Freddie Flintoff. Last man standing at the bar (clearly Jonesey can out-drink him), he boasts a lethal combination of hollow legs and an undead approach to sleep. The best bet is to hand him over to the Sa Pa’s when the tank is full and sleep beckons. Chief fine-master and year-round Lord High Protector of the Red Pouch of Justice.

Daniel “CK” Chinnery

Debut appearance. A like-for-like replacement for Lord Chief Justice Bilko, the Chinster owes his selection to a flawless attendance record during pre-season training at Tuskers. Yet to pick up a bat or anything remotely cricket-related which is further testament to his suitability for the squad. The stage is set for him to write his own script.

Dom “Axeman” Hogan

Debut appearance. A hybrid replacement for a couple of absent friends: think Millers & Tripod rolled into one. With twice the talent comes twice the pressure, but the Dominator is undoubtedly the man for it – look out for some classic guitar riffs mixed with classical off-drives. It’s been known to go a bit Eric Morecambe in the past, but here’s hoping…. A big money transfer from The Telstar Tigers in the IPL (Isleworth Premier League)

Rachel “Jonesey” Begley-Begley

Tour # 4. Once again Jonesey will be combining the roles of cheerleader and beerleader and doing so with considerable aplomb. Without a shadow of a doubt she has the biggest responsibility of the week (namely Chas) and has got the bath chair and tartan rug lined up and ready to go. Despite this being her fourth tour she is still firmly of the notion that an appeal for LBW is to Let the Beavers Win – clearly understanding that charity is the only way to make that happen.

Nikki “Lady” Barnett-Barnett of Barnet

Tour # 2. A late arrival on tour this year, Nikki will be with us in time for her pre-honeymoon send-off at Tuskers on Friday. Which is actually a rather scary prospect as she will be fresh and energetic which will be in stark contrast to the various stages of decrepitude the rest of the squad will be in by then. I guess we’ll look to Lord B-B of B to take the brunt of that…..

James “Boo” Henry

Debut appearance. Has no idea what he is letting himself in for so scores ten out of ten for bravery. Sports an encyclopaedic knowledge of the weaknesses in Dom’s game which can be tapped into by the most elementary form of bribery (aka beer). A welcome addition to the SBCC fold.

James “Jugs” Pitcher

Debut appearance. Availability not yet confirmed at the time of going to press, but we’re hopeful of welcoming another Beaver to the family. Fingers crossed that he can make the trip, and livers on full alert if he does.