2009 Team Photo

Players: Terry Eksteen, Terry Wallace, Keith Patterson, William Crichton-Stuart, and Professional. Supporters: Ron Monk (official team scorer), Jon Hunter supporting from his home base in UK and a few floozies in tow.

THE TEAM:

Terry Eksteen (67)

A geriatric with few redeeming features. Nevertheless, he remains the only upright member of the party whose integrity is beyond doubt. Notwithstanding these sterling qualities, women inexplicably find him unappetizing. He plays cricket from memory only, but is obviously management material.

Yes, occasionally he’s had some falls
Which doesn’t mean he has no balls
His eyes are dim; his hair is grey
No reason old Terry shouldn’t play

Terry Wallace (55)

He does not add much to the youth component of the team, (even when he was the team rookie), but contributes more in experience. However what really was needed was talent. Here, alas he did not come to the party as he pushed and prodded for the odd single. He claimed bowling to be his strong point, but could find nobody to back his boast (unless of course, you consulted his fan club at the No. 1 Pub J ).

Terry, no longer a new name in the team
But unfortunately, on him they still must lean
More is the pity; for his only game was snooker
And nobody relishes his latest role as hooker

Keith Patterson (52)

He is only on tour because the board of his retail company unanimously decided he needed a break – preferably an indefinite one. (And our team was seriously lacking players.) As one of the younger team members, he can be expected to play every game and in anticipation has lost 20kgs cycling around his garden. Keith regards himself as a spin bowler and frequently recalls his proudest figures of 2 for 93 off 5 overs in a memorable under 13 match against the local girl’s school. He doesn’t speak much about his batting prowess, which is probably just as well.

Then there’s Keith, reckless at the crease
This time round his average to increase
For two or three he hopes to strive
But definitely it won’t be more than five

William Crichton-Stuart (39)

Don’t be fooled by the smart Scottish name, Will is a struggling cricketer being a very slow bowler of little merit. Lean and virile, shaving three times a day, Will is only active at night, sleeps when fielding. A ladies man attracted to strong beverages, Will was a keen Thai ladies man with whom he shared his many vices: however he has brought along his new wife on this year’s tour and will sadly have to tow the line.

William, who comes from vintage stock
With two surnames, he’s quite the jock
Except while batting, he wears a frock
Which sends all bowlers into shock

SUPPORTERS

Ron Monk (68)

Marriage, children, mortgages – Ron’s done it all. His only venture onto the playing field resulted in serious muscular strain and permanent early retirement. Now the team’s doddering scorer, he gladly finds he has more time to enjoy a whiskey or two than in the past. Ron is only grumpy when the bars are closed, so finds Thailand very congenial.

Ron, a man of considerable girth
Understandably gave up sport after birth
To concentrate on cricket scoring
Where byes and fours he found less boring

Jon Hunter (64)

Age has withered him, likewise alcohol abuse. Nevertheless the spirit remains optimistic. Jon is currently earning a living in England but also spends time on the dole. Surprisingly still married with ten children, two legitimate. Looking to improve his all round game in the Far East, which has stagnated for 50 years, but alas will only be supporting us from his home base computer screen. This may be indirectly fortunate for the team in that he frequently falls asleep at official functions, although his drinking companionship will be sourly missed.

Now we come to old Jon Hunter
Known by friends and foe as Shunter
His cricketing skills can sink no lower
And certainly he’s never bowled a maiden over

Floozies

This year Almar has managed to find a few fans to follow them across the seas. As good, submissive and obedient ladies, you will find them quietly sipping their Mango daiquiris from the Almar box and cheering on cue. However, a word of advise, do not be fooled by their genteel exteriors, these ladies can party with the best of them. Cheers!