There's one thing and one thing only on the minds of Sa Pa CC this year.

Winning the Taranaki/Sa Pa ashes.
And eating Tuskers out of BBQ food.
And wondering what's better - gold or silver San Miguel (gold - Morto).

Three things then.

Paul "TBC" Bailey

A Sa Pa newcomer, Bailey's Gower-esque style of batting (cack-handed) should neither help nor hinder him at the sixes. That said, the cricketing success of the tour rests squarely on the shoulders of this man. The whole of Chiang Mai will be looking forward to facing his left-arm offspin. Just look out for the one that goes straight on. The only member of the team to know how much his bat weighs (it's a 3lb whopper). Has been instructed by his captain to forego net practice and learn Hotel California on the guitar. Expect Jonny Wilkinson hair growth and meditation as he finds enlightenment in the land of Buddhas.

Iain "Debo" Davison

One of the founding members of Sa Pa and returning for his 4th Chiang Mai sixes. He is easy to spot due to his stature, lack of hair and the fact he is always holding a ham roll and a beer. A fireman by trade, he has honed his bowling and batting skills at the station with many hours of Brian Lara's Cricket 2007 on Xbox and table tennis. The perennial team pest, he does not like other team members sleeping when he is not and as punishment likes to share his midnight snacks of dried cuttlefish with them. Expect Davo to compete extra hard this year to maintain the team pest title, as we all expect stiff competition from debutant Pete. Would be great if the competition for cricketing honours was this hard fought.

Steve "Stib" Drakeford

After once again missing out on the IPL, Stib must now be thinking his move to Asia was the wrong thing to do. However, Delhi's loss is Vietnam's gain as Stib chases the glory in Chiang Mai for a 4th successive tour. It's rumoured he'll become a Dong millionaire for his week's "work". One of the most committed members of Sa Pa CC. A groin strain could not hold him back in 2008. With Deep Heat applied to his genitals and eyes(!), Steve donned the Baggy Red and took to the field. With this kind of dedication, Steve must be in the running for the vacant vice-captains role in 2009. In the January issue of Sa Pa Supporters Monthly, Steve lists his favourite foods as Pork and Dried Cuttlefish (he can eat it in his sleep).

Nick "TBC" Martin

Nick is another one of Sa Pa's tour virgins this year. Not much is known about his cricketing skills although he has informed the rest of us that whilst he considers himself a batsman, in his last competitive game of grade cricket for the Kyogle Bush Turkeys he dismissed the last two batsmen in successive balls. Technically he's been on a hat trick since 1998. Currently residing in Singapore, we are yet to verify his true origins as he carries 3 passports with him when travelling - make no doubt about it, he's dodgy. For those who have known him the longest and have heard his sweet sounds, he is known as Ricky Martin, but others prefer Nicky Walnuts after seeing first hand some Soprono-esque knee capping in the city state. With the Hanoi Citizens bureau keeping a close eye on Chiang Mai this year, you can bet Nick will adding to the passport collection should he have a successful tour.

Neil "The Morto" Morton

Tall (ish), Lean, Handsome, nay....I say SEXY! Sorry ladies, this smiling assassin is taken. Its a few months since taking his vows, so he should be poised to strike. Lets hope so 'cause this little black duck doesn't hold much hope for the team that he's leading (darn rotation policy). That said he has recently been reported as saying "...after I whip these other chaps so badly that it makes them cry, I shall produce my hankerchief and proceed to wipe the dust from off my brow and then neatly fold it back into my pocket". Not sure if anything is lost in translation.....but it doesn't make sense to me either. Has been known to win the toss and turn to the opposing captain and pose the question "so what do you want to do?" Hobbies include scouting for other cricket tournaments to attend, looking good and grinning from ear to ear like an idiot all day long. Amazing tolerance at holding his piss (genetics). This man bleeds Sa Pa. It is rumoured that his blood is still pooled in the outfield. Grimace if you hear him call " Morto's "

Alan "Doctor" Sharpe

Thai police will be all over this one. A rich tall man who has a resemblance to Gandalf when sober. However, this tall timber with a few in him could resemble one of Australia's most popular bowlers, Craig McDermott. The jury is still out if Dr Alan will play even one game, however his love for the heat, his ability to take orders from the captain and his willingness to wake up and do it for the team might just get us over the line. The reason for the Doctor nickname will not be revealed (here) but our advice for bowlers is to complete their follow through, stare him in the eye and say "I want to hear you scream Doctor Alan". That's if he even shows up.

Pete "Wellsy" Wells

Sa Pa Press are all over this. Vietnam's own version of Warney. "beware his Offies" they all say. Indeed his own coaching staff, including Sa Pa's high performance manager, Jiiiimi "Light Green" Green, are saying "beware the Offie's at his disposal". Sin city's own Saigon Tribunal is running headlines of "a new threat from the north" and " Warney's off, Wellsy's Offies" ....sadly Pete thinks all the fuss is over the "Offies" he runs (Off-Licences/Bottlos). This Peter Hellier look-a-like possesses athletic prowess akin to 'chef', and a demur persona like 'fog-horn leghorn'. Not sure if any of those attributes equal a good cricketer, but we all know that's not the point...... great tourist more likely. Wellsy's hobbies are draping wet towels on the floor and attempting to defecate into micro-wave ovens. A man of this many talents will be well received on tour and is quoted as saying: "I'd like to endear myself to the locals, in particularly the lady-boys at the 7eleven."