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DARWIN DILETTANTES |
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Roger Weckert (the heavy Hammer). On and off the field Roger continues to defy convention, off the field he has steadfastly refused to bow to fashion, the 70’s worked for him and he is sticking to it!! While on the field he refuses, just refuses to acknowledge he can’t spin one! Roger is a right hand bat that hits more than he misses and again refuses, just refuses to acknowledge he has the turning circle of the Queen Mary when trying for two. In the field he is the fierce advocate of the relayed throw which is a happy coincidence as he has no arm of any note. His bowling is an insult to bowlers everywhere. John Marshall (JM). Every touring side has its one gentleman, at first you might think that JM is ours. But be careful, while JM is a quiet, friendly, unassuming cricketer, beneath is a man that loves to get away from the crowds, have a drink, maybe a game of pool in a sleazy bar where he can get up to all sorts of mischief. His motto is ‘walk softly ……….but carry a truckload of Baht”. This will be JM’s third tour of Chiang Mia and 15th trip to Thailand in the last 3 years, who knows there may be a bar he has not visited yet……... JM is a right hand bat who favours both the inside and outside edge. His bowling is ‘civilian medium’ (that is lightly less threatening than ‘military medium’). Michael Perris (Mick). Michael came to Chiang Mai for the first time last year, since then, along with Dougy and JM, he has visited the Kingdom 12 times and looking for a retirement place amongst the bars of Pattaya. Mick didn’t perform that well on the field last year and is back to prove that he now has adapted to the Thai way. On the field he is yet to fire a shot, same can’t be said for off the field while on tour.Anthony Murphy (Murf , The Closer, Stealth Bomber). Murf ventured to Chiang Mai for the first time last year and was sold to the Lord Taverners for an undisclosed sum. Several times he bowled the last over to snatch victory from seeming defeat, getting the nickname of “The Closer” and “Stealth Bomber” from the Perth boys. Murf would have got the Taveners into the final if Hashan Tillekeratne could count and had underarmed the last ball of the match back to Murf. No offer was made from Lord Taverners for Murf this year, perhaps the financial crisis has hit Perth to a greater extent than previously expected. This year the skipper will make sure that “The Closer” is not in the next room, the walls are just too thin in the Porn Ping. Brett Greed. Apparently has his passport stamped by the Australian Government “feel free to keep him”. This is Brett’s first trip to Thailand and rather than learn the local language he has planned ahead and got himself some flash cards to communicate to the locals. He has a card showing a beer, a burger, a toilet and another one that defys description, is it some kind of crab? It seems to show six legs and oh…. Oh now I see what it is. On the field Brett is an unknown quantity, some suggestion he can play but no one willing to declare he can after a few San Miguels.Allan Spring. A welcome addition to the side, in line with our youth policy Allan brings the average age of the side back to within a whisker of 50. Is his first trip abroad and will be no doubt surprised when he lands that the tournament he agreed to play is in fact overseas. We suspect he thinks Chiang Mai is a suburb of Sydney. On the field someone remembers when he last scored runs, they remember the date vividly as it was the day Armstrong landed on the moon. His bowling is sporadic and by sporadic we mean the odd one would hit the side of a barn. Glen Cameron. Brought into the side to strengthen the tail (gives the rest of the tail confidence in THEIR batting ability in relation to his) Glen is excited about the prospect of this prestigious tournament. On the field you could be mistaken for thinking you could hit a lump of mashed potato further with a tennis racket than he can strike a ball. Bowling remains modest…. And shy….. infact downright Chris Heron (Wally or ‘tenticles’). In a recent and hastily convened extraordinary Dilettante’s shareholders meeting Wally was announced as the new CEO after years of credible service as tour manager. Look out when he awards himself his ‘bonus package’. Tills will be ringing in bars around the Kingdom. With a firm grip on the wheel of the ship he has gone about bringing in the next generation of Dilettante’s by fastidiously recruiting only players who fit the mould of the team dynamics. Looks like his recruiting has paid off as we now boast 4 likely lads from Coleraine in Victoria (although what we really needed was an ambulance driver, a lawyer and an aged care worker). On the field Wally is a right hand bat* and record breaking bowler for most runs of an over in Chiang Mai. Mercy rule of maximum deliverys per over was introduced in response to one of his overs. *bat although purchased in 1985 has not yet felt the leather of ball connecting with itDoug Kerr. Dougy has decided to make his 12th tour to the kingdom in just 12 months, he has taken to the Thai way of life like a duck to water. Doug has become a great supporter of the Dilettentes and a good sponsor of some of the nightlife spots in Thailand. Doug will be responsible to ensure that all the players will make it to the game each day, we are just not sure who is going to help him get there. We have gone into negotiations with Hotel management to have the gardener just check the grounds of the Porn Ping each morning to ensure he is not toes up in the garden after a hard night sampling the wares of local bars. And yes the rumours are true he did wake up last time on the road to find police drawing a chalk outline of him. Chris Hubbard (Ravi). Fact is Ravi has not contacted the tour manager over the last 6 months, but history says that Ravi is just as likely to turn up in Chiang Mia as not. This will be Ravi’s 11th tour if he gets there, his player profile is here because we never know what he’s doing. What is known is that his on field skills remain best left off field. He famously once hit a six at Chiang Mai which remains the ONLY time in his career he has managed the feat. Ravi also bowls both left and right arm, both are rubbish… Kevin Peters (Buck).
Long avoider of Chiang Mai Kev may make his long awaited debut in Chiang Mai (the only Thai city he has not visited). While on tour Kev will be leaving a business vacuum in his home of the NT, recently the NT news published its list of the ‘120 most influential figures in the NT’. Kev just missed the cut apparently though he was number 121, just behind Bruce the donkey who has made a name for himself predicting cyclones according to the shape of his craps but in front of some chick who was famous in the 60’s for being able to burp the National anthem. So as you can see a man of obvious qualifications who can hold his stead no matter how notable the company.
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