2007 Team

Ross “I’ve Definitely Retired This Time” Ormiston

Captain of the Felons and formerly also Captain of the Easts 1A Prostrates which is the Felons’ Club team.  Ross recently “retired” for the third time after being unable to convert his 87 into a century in the last over of a club game (which would have secured the team 2 dozen beers on the Club!).  Having advanced down the wicket and swung and missed for the third time Ross simply kept on walking from the field with no attempt to recover his crease.  He was last seen disappearing into the sunset muttering “Worst f@#*ing innings I ever played.”

Jonathan “Gloves” Pereira

Keeper of both the faith and wickets for the Felons.  The “Divine Felons” owe their name in large part to JP who nearly became a priest but changed his mind at the last minute and became a lawyer instead!  Bowling has never been JP’s strong point in Chiang Mai and this year he has gone to the extreme lengths of buying his own wicket-keeping gloves on e-bay and gluing them to his hands to ensure that he isn’t called upon to bowl!

Peter “The Chancellor” Watson

A veteran of 2 previous tournaments, Peter returned to New Zealand from a spell in the UK last year to develop his game.  Having spent the past 6 months “managing” one of Wellington’s finest Bar/Restaurants, Peter’s ‘game’ is nicely honed although his cricket hasn’t improved at all!  Peter remains the holder of the team funds and is yet to miss a night out celebrating the day’s play in 2 years in Chiang Mai.

Rob “Please don’t make me bowl!” Stevens

Yes, the rumours are true!  Rob’s bowling was one of the catalysts for the change to the wides rule in 2006 and the only things that saved him from further humiliation last year were a couple of benevolent batsmen from SA PA and the Armadillos who hit the sixth “wide” when Rob was bowling – thanks lads, we haven’t forgotten your kindness and sportsmanship (the first round is on Rob!). On his fourth trip to the Sixes Rob is determined to at least make the ball bounce on the wicket this year!

Asif “You da Man!”

Our man from Kashmir was a life-saver for the Felons in 2006 and last year earned himself a “Player of the Day” award for his Herculean efforts with bat, ball and in the field.  Still the purveyor of the finest genuine Kashmir carpets in the world, anyone who is in need of some “brownie points” upon their return home or has a wife/partner who isn’t yet convinced about the merits of playing cricket in Chiang Mai should talk to Asif – one of his superb carpets will do all the talking!

Allan “The Virgin” Ormiston

No longer “the virgin” having successfully participated in last year’s Sixes, Allan is by far the youngest member of the Felons and is therefore expected to cover for the older members of the team by fielding in every position at the same time in any given game!  A bit of a dark horse form wise, having spent the last year in Australia instead of his beloved homeland, we’re expecting big things from Allan this year both on and off the field! 

Peter “Puku” Sainsbury

We’re hoping that Peter will return to Chiang Mai this year having missed last year’s Sixes because he was in the middle of moving his family to New York.  Rumour has it that his participation is dependent on him selling his model train collection, so his attendance is by no means guaranteed!  As the largest member of the Felons, Peter’s particular skill is his uncanny ability to find the closest eating and drinking establishment at the end of the day’s play!

Robert “Bert” Vance

Wellington’s finest men’s clothing retailer is making his debut in Chiang Mai.  A more than useful cricketer in his day, we’re hoping that Bert’s presence will improve not only the team’s dress standards but also the on-field performance.  The only concern is that Bert still holds the record for conceding the most runs in an over in first class cricket in New Zealand - 77 - while playing for Wellington against Canterbury in 1990, which probably doesn’t augur well for the Felons’ already fragile bowling line-up!