Mahboob Hussain

Age: 36
Specialism: Off-Spinner
General: A useful off-spinner who also currently holds the poisoned chalice of captaincy. Mahboob has skilfully used his youthful looks and demeanour to his advantage by representing the junior under 17’s team for a record 15th season! His main aim for the tournament is to hit one off the square. Mahboob is a social worker who will be concentrating on the social and not the work on this trip.

Moey Hassan

Age: 40
Specialism: Leg Spinner
General: A hard hitting all-rounder who is a poor mans Gary Sobers. He can do anything – from bowling off-spin, leg spin to smashing the ball to all parts of the ground. Almost like Sobers, he once hit six sixes … in a season. With the ball in his hand he is dangerous, with the bat in his hand he is positively destructive, Moey will chase anything – it doesn’t matter if it’s a short pitched ball or a short skirt!

Toj Panesar

Age: 44
Specialism: All-rounder
General: The senior citizen of the team, Toj is a veteran of several tours. Although struggling with injury this time round, Toj’s vast cricketing experience (going right back to the time of WG Grace himself) will be immensely useful. A plumbers merchant by trade, he will help to plug gaps in the field when the team is leaking runs.

Ijaz Khan

Age: 38
Specialism: Off-Spinner
General: A combative cricketer who doubles up as the team specialist in mental disintegration. A real gentleman off the field but transforms into Andre Nel once he steps onto the field of play. As an ex policeman, he makes sure batsmen stay within the law and fielders stay on the beat

Munir Khaliq

Age: 34
Specialism: Left arm Medium
General: Although he can bowl both left arm medium as well slow left arm orthodox, Munir has discovered that his best position is at the bar. Munir is an honest, trustworthy and upstanding member of the community who just happens to sell second hand cars for a living. A keen tourist, Munir might also find the time to play a little bit of cricket.

Nasir Khaliq

Age: 31
Specialism: Right arm Medium
General: A right arm medium pacer, Nasir is on his first tour. Generally mild mannered and easygoing, he can be roused to fiery heights by the sight of opposing batsmen advancing down the track. As a lawyer, he will be on hand to provide first class advice on compensation matters should somebody suffer any personal injury.

Amjid Hussain

Age: 32
Specialism: Left hand Batsman
General: Ploughing a lone furrow as the only specialist batsman in the squad, Amjid’ s Boycottesque approach means that it will be touch and go as to whether he can get off the mark in five overs. As a former IT specialist, Amjid would like to become the coach of an international cricket team – so he can get paid for sitting behind a laptop all day and watching cricket.

Various Others – 5

Ages: Timeless
Specialism: Masseur /Team Coach/Social Guide/Tour Manger/Water Boy
General: Due to the finely honed skills of our players we are bringing a ‘Woodwardesque’ support team for all eventualities.