Chiang Mai Tour 2006

Jeremy Coulbeck: Tour Manager (Tour number 48)
As our only sponsored player, Jez will be flying the Jack Daniels flag high and proud. In past tournaments, Jez has on numerous occasions taken 8 minutes to stumble his way from the Darjeeling tent to the crease when it's his turn to bat, but underestimate him at your peril – many a bowler has seen his balls disappear over the commentary tent, sending the young Sawasdee players running for cover.

George Appleton: Team Captain (Tour number 5)
A furious debate is raging amongst the Darjeeling team as to whether or not to keep George bound and gagged for the entire tour to avoid having to hear another of his navy stories.

George's searing pace made sure he was our most economical bowler last year. Let's see if he can do it again this year. He will no doubt be a very popular team member during the tournament due to his ability to get served first at the bar. George has been banned from the Sugar Shack, following a string of complaints regarding the manner in which he declines the offers of the children selling floral necklaces.

Brad Wissink: Wicket keeper (Tour number 2)
Behind the stumps, Brad's hands are quick as lightning, but when it comes to batting, he'll be looking to protect his average again this year. After all, it's the not outs that count, Mate!

Brad's fetish for women's footwear has become somewhat legendary throughout the Middle East since last year's tour. One of the mainstays of last year's tour was Brad's ability to sniff out a roadside pork BBQ from a distance exceeding 2 miles.

Andy Tideswell (Tour virgin)
With the late inclusion of Andy's wife Julie to the tour, the entire team breathes a sigh of relief. Now we know we can count on him to be at the ground on time instead of getting lost at the monkey farm. Always one for a few cold ones after the game, Andy's presence has meant we have to raise an extra $3000 for beer kitty.

Stuart Matthewson (Tour Virgin)
When we asked Stuart if he'd be keen on coming to Chiang Mai earlier this year, his response was a resounding "yes". Last week at the club, he sidled over to me and very quietly asked "When, where and what is Chiang Mai actually?" Stuart's lethal slow left arm still has Dubai batsmen thinking what the?

Stuart has already emailed the recipe for Bullfrogs to all the bars in Chiang Mai.

Duncan Skelton (Tour Virgin)
The only man to have bowled a longer over than that guy in the semi finals against Perth Postels last year, Duncan has spent the last three months perfecting his wrong ‘un in the back yard, and is expecting the Chiang Mai pitch to turn.

Ronald "Trigger" Farrer: Scorer (Tour number 6)
If it weren't for "Lon", as he is known in Thailand, the entire 2005 Darjeeling touring squad would probably still be in some dank Thai prison. As the father figure, Ron's primary responsibility on tour (apart from scoring) is to chaperone the younger, more easily influenced fledglings safely home to the Porn Ping Hotel. That is, of course, if he is not too banjoed himself to find his way back.

Stuart Hardie (Tour number 4)
Cigar-toting Stuart's affinity for appreciating the finer aspects of the game we love are evident in his singular condemnation of the sweep shot. When pressed to elaborate on this peculiar standpoint, he'll mutter something about it having no place in the sport, followed by, "Has anyone seen my brandy". We look forward to some more of those 5/95 mornings.

Chris Dommet (Tour number 3)
A good start to this year's tour for Chris will be getting to the airport without pulling a hamstring. Affectionately known as the rubberman, Chris will claw his way around the outfield to cut off would-be boundaries, and gladly bat out a 30 over game with a runner doing all the work for him. As a long time resident of the thriving Emirate of Ras Al Khaimah, Chris will no doubt have everybody dumbfounded with his stories of the bond between camel and man.

Greg Moses (Tour number 2)
With Greg's rugged, yet sophisticated good looks combined with a confident demeanour, one can only imagine that he would bat like Ricky Ponting and bowl like Brett Lee. Sadly for the South African, Greg's uncanny ability to out drink the rest of the team does not necessarily transpire to the same showings on the cricket filed, as only time will tell if Captain George can entice him away from the bar (and stay out of the tour Managers room) for long enough to allow Greg to display his mastery of the game.