Having suffered something of an identity crisis in recent years, with names including the Shanghai Cavaliers, the Steinlager Cavaliers and the Shanghai Butterflies, the Club has finally settled on the more becoming and appropriate Shanghai Dragons.

This year captain Mike Tsesmelis will be leading an entire team of Chiang Mai virgins, but the pressure of doing so is not expected to dampen his enthusiasm for relations with daughters of senior Chiang Mai officials. The virgins will include:

Joe Hepworth
Joe's long-running relationship with a Caucasian lady in Shanghai has caused endless discontent and debate, but his impending relocation promises to end 18 months of turmoil for Shanghai Cricket Club. Special re-education sessions for Joe have been arranged at Stairway to Heaven - during which we will also be explaining that you cannot play for a draw in sixes.

Martin Hill
For the past 4 months Martin has been running his Shanghai-based language school out of Soi Cowboy. Unsurprisingly he will be leaving his position soon, so there is a piss-easy job going in Shanghai in May. You get to call yourself a 'Leader in Education', ponce around like you're some sort of hero, pick up second-class hookers on MaoMing Lu and wear glasses to make you look less sleazy. Perks include regular trips to Thailand, fights in nightclubs and bowling 17-ball overs. No experience is needed, although applicants who have been particularly heartless to their Japanese girlfriends are preferred, as is a low moral threshold.

Paul Turner
One of an increasingly rare breed in Shanghai, Paul is a poet and true gentleman who won fame and popularity in the Shanghai taxi driver community when he pummeled (in a gentlemanly fashion) an American yob for disrespecting an innocent cabbie's vehicle. Unfortunately in doing so he broke his wrist, and even more unfortunately did so only several hours before the Dragons semi-final in last year's Shanghai Sixes. Having left his team a player short for a big match, Paul later tried to make amends to his captain by (chivalrously) courting his little sister. Paul will be batting number 6.

Pete Cain
Last season the club's regular wicket-keeper received several nasty blows to certain precious parts of his anatomy which later required surgery. Pete has since taken particular pleasure in sharing the details of this to anyone that shows interest.... you have been warned. Nevertheless, having excelled during his assignment as "Morals Manager" on the Dragon's summer tour to Jakarta, Pete was deemed essential to help the virgins negotiate the perils of Chiang Mai. For the troubled, he will be sharing his considerable experience and wisdom all week in the Dragon's tent (we particularly recommend his lesson on managing marital arrangements).

John L'Epagniol
John was on the verge of pulling out of this tour when he realised there were 30 teams coming. 30 teams equals about 240 blokes which equals plenty of competition for Shanghai's greatest love-machine, but reassurances from his captain that there was plenty to go around saw him relent. We're not expecting much on the field from John (nor any of his teammates for that matter), but we know what to expect off it.

Scott Brown will be absent this year due to the birth of his first child, but wishes everyone well in staying away from Wally's tent.... and pledges his liver to never again leave CBB out of any of his Shanghai speeches!

Web site: http://www.eteams.com/shanghaicricketclub/