And then there's Baz, who's on the razz. And thinks he's still a bowler. A lean and mean bowling machine? More like the heavy roller.

BOB PHILLIPS

There's Captain Bob who's just the job, With the ball he's quite a swinger. But his claim to fame is the Rugby game. You can see he's not a winger.

KEVIN LOVEGROVE

It's written large that Kev's in charge. For power he does hanker. He got us here, that much is clear. But really he's a wanker.

KEITH VERYARD

There's Keith to bat, just fancy that. His strokeplay is attackin'. He'll drop a catch and last one match. Before he does his back in.

JOE LEES

There's Joseph Sleaze who bowls with ease. His balls have all got snow on. He'll bowl you out without a doubt. And then go for a blow-job.

MARTIN SAUNDERS

There's Mart from Brum, long way he's come. His batting is quite funny. Not hard to find the reason, mind. He's all night with a Bunny.

PADDY BATESON

Now Paddy's fit, the stupid git. There's nothing makes him happier. Than to make you run in the hot, hot sun and then he'll try and lap ya.

FERGUS SHAW

And then there's Ferg who has an urge. For fielding in the cover. The local lust he doesn't trust. So he's brought his own young lover.

JACKIE WEAGER

Her name is Jack and she loves the craic. And is full of feminine wiles. But she's the sort, a good old sport. To not cramp Fergus' style.

MALINDA WARNAPURNA

Our Superstar, the best by far. Is a Lankan we call Mali. A four or six he'll try to fix. And add it to his tally.