Team at 2002 Sixes

The rebel tour - Due to World Cup tour defection by many team members, the ACB, keen to keep the Darwin boys flying the flag in Chiang Mai have, after high deliberations, finally selected a team purely on off-field performance criteria. Captain of 12 Chiang Mai tours, "Bickers", has been sensationally replaced after previous match fixing allegations. Incoming captain, "Tatsy Tuk Tuk" claims that all serious contests will be won between the hours of 6.00 pm & 8.00 am.

Brett Hillas (Fatboy)

Returning to his roots (like every sixes) due to the rebel tour of South Africa depleting the Darwin team numbers. Will retain the no pads, no brains, and no idea hockey swat to cows as his Chiang Mai trademark. Has told the boys that, after a Chiang Mai tournament playing with the Malakas, has discovered that they can't actually drink unless a blender is involved. Team is pleased to have a mascot again.

Special Skill: White line fever, once stepping onto the field, projectile vomits his way around the boundary.

Troy White

Can't bat, bowl or field but can negotiate. Has a habit of asking for a "sandwich" instead of a green curry. The new pinch drinker for the team. Has volunteered to take "POHL" position, replacing Tatsy in the post match "slammer" session with the Zimmy boys. Has been known to enjoy himself so much that he forgets which day it is and misses flight home.

Special Skill: Falling in love at the first drinking hole and committing! Possibly out of fear of having his grass cut by team mates.

Steve Tatzenko (Tatsy Tuk Tuk)

Returning to Chiang Mai for his 9th tournament has taken on the honourable title of tour team Captain. Commanding a rebel rabble, Tats has vowed that the Dilettantes will match, if not better, the off field exploits of past years. Has threatened that this may be his final appearance in Chiang Mai not believed for a minute! Has also undertaken bowling lessons from long time tour sidekick (and one time apprentice), Gazza, in an attempt to return to his younger "tear away Thomo" days we'll let the jury decide on that one slow spin is still tipped.

Special Skill: Has "Tardis" like hollow legs for consuming alcohol.

Gary Hancock (Gazza - Thai Cunning Linguist)

Recalled from the World Cup tour of South Africa to Vice Captain this dubious Darwin side. Expected to break out of last year's shackles as is no longer hamstrung by "pooying falang". As in past years, other teams guides will be lining up for advanced universal language tutorials. This player is heavily motivated by the "G" philosophy that is Guides, GiGi's, G-strings and G-spots! At his seventh Chiang Mai and still only 25, he is keen to put his Thai language skills to good use yet again.

Special Skills: Getting smacked (bowling) by South African pensioners and Sri Lankans.

Steve Attenborough (Bare Backed Minister for Sommigration)

Proved whilst on debut in '99 without a shadow of a doubt, that he can't bat, bowl or keep wicket. Returned in 2001 and showed no improvement at all. Back yet again for another crack or two. Has remembered to pack his own date roll this tour. Has an uncanny knack for having to call out for toilet paper, much to the amusement of bar girls across the Kingdom.

Derek Attenborough (The Young Apprentice)

Enticed on tour by his father in order to introduce him to a whole new world. His first time out of Australia and no better place to start than the "Kingdom". Currently an unknown quantity but team member's hope that his on-field cricket ability does not come from his old man's side of the family. Could be a surprise package you have to watch out for the quiet ones. As in past Dilettantes years the virgin tourist will surely be a well presented flag bearer at the opening ceremony.

Special Skills: Has apparently had donkeys in tears you have to feel for the local girls.

Roger Weckett

A late addition to the touring team but a very welcome one. Roger can actually bat and is expected to perform if the team looses four or five early wickets. His judgement has on occasion become clouded after bouts of excess socialising and has been known to top edge a ball into his own head. Helmet, "clear eyes" and panadol tipped for this year. Nurses wanted.

Special Skills: Has the unusual ability of being able to do more damage to himself than the opposition can.

Chris Herron (Wally Bird)

Still only a 50/50 chance starter due to South African World Cup tour and unspecified business commitments. Did the unthinkable by recording red ink last year. Even managed to find the boundary off his own bat. Owner of a Thai restaurant, long-time married to a Thai national and after numerous trips to the Kingdom can still only blurt out "sawatdee krup". Usually the oldest and most fined team member on tour.

Special Skills: At the crucial point of any match, Wally has the distinct ability to be able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Paul Bicknell (Bickers Junior)

Younger brother of Chiang Mai veteran and legend "Bickers", he may be a late starter to his debut Chiang Mai Sixes due to his attitude of "Why let cricket disrupt a perfectly good Asian holiday experience". He can actually bat and bowl (a bit) if he can ever be dragged out of bed or off the couch. Has a healthy interest in Asians of the female form but, "if she ain't wearing knee high boots, she's no good".

Special Skills: Regularly sports some of the fiercest and more memorable hangovers in living history. Warning when in this state do not disturb.