Greg Bicknell (Bickers)

The flagship of the Darwin side, can turn the tide of any match on his own, and as yet has not faced any official match fixing enquiries. Has a unique 'eyes closed' style of fielding honed at many Darwin bars where he feels eyesight can be an overrated skill compared to touch and taste (holding and drinking beer). Keen golfer as well who plays off a handicap of 10, ironically doesn't consider 10 beers before a game of cricket a handicap at all.

SPECIAL SKILL - The ability to turn invisible and disappear when needs to quietly retire from a nights drinking session.

Roger Weckert (shot Roger)

The cloned evil brother to Bickers, rotund figure, no running in the field rule, love of a beer, he has it all. Veteran tourist with ability and keen bartering skills should play a leading role in all drink induced cricket arguments such as 'who is the best striker of a ball in wet and windy conditions when batting second on the third day of a fourth test?'. He will know! He can hold an in depth discussion about cricket after drinking enough to kill a small elephant.

SPECIAL SKILL - Can win a match despite his team mates best efforts to the contrary.

Greg Brautigan (Broady)

Young man on the rise (although has been known to fail on occasions in the bedroom). Has some ability on the field which should see him stand out in this outfit. Big things expected of him off the track, can drink, speak in slurred words, find his way home at night, has his name pinned to his shirt for the hotel staff when he loses the ability to pronounce his own name, he has all the skills.

SPECIAL SKILLS - Has medical experience, can treat exploding hemorrhoids.

Troy White (Hansie)

2nd tour returning after a stellar start to his international career last time at Chiang Mai. Has put entire life on hold for the past year purely training for this event. Should put in the occasional appearance at the cricket ground where his skills remain modest. Has had discipline problems in the past missing several team buses and his plane home, and it was these skills that saw him win Best tourist for the club last time out. Is a dark horse for most fined player within the team.

SPECIAL SKILL - Over confidence in drinking ability, and projectile vomiting when proven to be overconfident.

Steve Tatzenko (Tattsy/Obi-won)

Something of a mentor to aspiring Darwin cricketers, has a sound mind for the game which comes to the fore when he loses all mobility skills after 72 straight hours of refreshment. Will do the hard yards for the team, has in the past hidden injuries (broken bones) whilst on tour not wanting to be sent home early thus letting his team mates down. Has been known to forget to eat anything whilst on tour. Will provide valuable leadership again to the younger members of the team.

SPECIAL SKILL - Can communicate his thoughts directly into your mind, long after he loses the ability to speak and even nod his head, even after being technically dead, he can still convey his need for another drink.

Chris Heron (Wally/ The bird)

Perennial nominee for team manager and firm favourite for Highest fines within team, Wally is an institution within the Darwin side. Official team sponsor and leading advocate of players right to privacy, although he has a seemingly photographic memory for any 'fineable offence' committed at anytime while on tour. Has a vocabulary range second to none within the team, in fact he has an entire thesaurus on the word inebriated which is often used in rapid fire effect late at night. Last name is Heron but should have been 'Owl', as he is a far bigger danger at night.

SPECIAL SKILL - Seemingly inexhaustible wallet for the payment of fines, and some sort of 'out of body' ability where he seems too be able to follow you around all night knowing what you did, but simply cannot recall where he was.

Gary Hancock (Gazza/Fatboy wannabe)

Big, powerful, fast, all words used to describe Merv Hughes who is Gary's favourite player, Gary could be this player if he wasn't constantly hampered by girlfriends and other non cricketing interests. Hopefully the solid diet of beer, pig on spit, no sleep, humid conditions, should see this guy step up in class. Gary is an accomplished tourist with a good range of Thai words and phrases which he can use when his English fails him late at night. Been known to produce terrific short videos whilst on tour, none on cricket however. Has previously roomed on tour with Fatboy, and as such is highly regarded for maintaining his personal hygiene despite this handicap.

SPECIAL SKILL - Can pick up women, an almost lost art among fellow Darwin players.